Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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