Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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