It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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