Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
