guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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