I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize