And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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