I just threw up on my dentist
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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