yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
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Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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