WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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