Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
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apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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