This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
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I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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