So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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