so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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