if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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