my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize