It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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