watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize