3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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