I faked an abortion last night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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