I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I checked into jail on foursquare
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
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I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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