well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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