i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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