i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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