I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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