paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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