I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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