Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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