I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize