There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
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Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
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I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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