I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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