I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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