I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
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Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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