Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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