Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
3pm strippers are depressing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am mentally ready for anal.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize