Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize