My friends, they love my intelligence
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You made out with two different species that night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize