Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
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I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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