A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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