I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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