her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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