I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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