Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize