Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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