oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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