There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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