i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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