Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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