So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
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This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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