he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
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in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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