Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I could fuck to npr.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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